megatheorem: (008)
palamedes THEE sextus ([personal profile] megatheorem) wrote in [personal profile] terriblepurpose 2022-08-08 03:32 am (UTC)

[Want to be better is good, Palamedes thinks; vague, and shaky, and precarious, but good. He himself wants Paul to succeed in this new goal of his, if only for Paul's sake; there are things that can't be undone, but after a point, miring in them is the same as simply stopping.

So: wanting to be better. He glances at Paul, eyebrows raised. After a moment he concedes, gently:]


No, I don't think that's cheating. But I can't lay out a twelve-step program for you, or anything like that.

[It wouldn't be genuine to just check all the boxes and call it done, but also-] What's 'better,' to you? What kind of person is better Paul? I'd start there.

[Although that isn't enough, and while he could point out some of the already obvious faults in making a list of Good Person Traits, instead he says:]

I've been thinking about your imago. You said it was a transformation in reverse, when we come back from the worst thing we are. Respectfully, I disagree; it's a straight line.

[When they speak of apologies, of reaching zero again, of the people who'll listen, they speak of the interpersonal; for the deeply, fundamentally individual, they'll need the imago. There isn't any going back to try again when it comes to the self, Palamedes thinks, and it could be grim-- although.]

I mean to say, and don't take this as some greeting card platitude, because you know I hate those— What I'm trying to say is that this isn't the end of everything. The better Paul is just you; you're already in there somewhere. You can't hate this Paul too much.

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