terriblepurpose | Deer Country Contact

[ that’s what little brothers are for, paul. lesson one. ]

I think so.
That’s really special. I think I’d get jealous.

[ then again, falco is at the ripe age of curiosity, so like. what does he know beyond a single crush! ]

You said that you act differently with each of them
Does that mean you have different feelings for each? Or is it the same?

[ No one has ever explained this to Paul except his parents, and almost everything his mother ever told him is useless for this. He has to sit and think about it, constructing an explanation as much for himself as for Falco. ]

I do get jealous, sometimes. I won’t pretend that I don’t. But it’s the kind of jealous you get when you worry that there won’t be enough left of something for you, and that isn’t how it is with love. It never runs out. So I remind myself, and I let it pass over me. I have different feelings for them like I have different feelings for you and Gideon. I love both of you, but I love who you are as individuals, not only as ‘brother’ or ‘sister’. I care about you both just as much as the other, and it’s alike in many ways, but it’s not identical.

[ !!! ]

Yes! Then even if they both fall under romantic or platonic, there are different feelings related to the individual! Did you know there’s a name for each one? Not “romantic” or “platonic”, there’re eight whole ranges in this single spectrum.

I’m reading about it.

[ Oh thank worm. An excuse to shift the direction of questioning. ]

I didn't know that. What are they? It sounds like you're doing some studying. Any particular reason for that?

Look.
Okay.
Look,
Where's my
I need to spread it out.

[ paul can't see you gesturing, falco, perle chitters, and it sparks an idea. he starts scrambling around for paper, and pens, and— oh this is going to be great. for him, of course. he's not showing anyone.

(that will be false, says the narrator) ]

It's beautiful. The most beautiful thing in the world. Imagine getting married, do you want to get married?
I can't wait to get married.
(Paul, this is Perle. I'm very sorry, you don't need to answer that.)
I found all these books and stuff.

No need to rush. I can be patient.

[ The trap is that Paul is as much a romantic as Falco is, deep down. The younger boy's enthusiasm is catching now that they're over the initial lip of explanation. ]

(It's all right, Perle.) I would like to get married one day. I don't think that anyone I'd want to marry is ready for that yet. It's for the best, since I'd have to plan the wedding first, and that could take some time.

[ Weddings are immensely serious events which require a great deal of logistical finagling, after all. ]

What are weddings like in your world? Have you thought about what you'd like yours to look like?

[ paul’s future wedding . . . ! his future wedding! oh he is scratching an itch that only grows more gluttonous. more, that desiring nag tells him. he has absolutely no reason to ignore it. he wants more.

that results in doing about two to three things at once. writing, arts and crafts, and talking as he did. ]

I haven’t thought that far yet. I think I should? Our ceremonies are small if we have them, usually just immediate family. It’s not allowed to be public so it’d almost be in secret but

I want all my family and friends in a welcoming place, with sour candy
and I want to be handsome.

[ that is a very age appropriate answer, don’t @ me ]

I hope I can see your weddings.
If there’s a lot of planning then the ceremony is big.

[ The terrible things Falco and his people experience in their world should have ceased to shock Paul some time ago, but it still has yet to fade. He won't focus on it in the midst of Falco's delight in imagining sour candy and a welcoming place - but already, he's thinking ahead. ]

I think that sounds like an excellent wedding. Sour candy is a must, of course. You're already handsome, so you have that part taken care of.

[ The textual equivalent of a hair ruffle. ]

I hope you can see them too. Weddings on Caladan are big even if you don't have money or status. Everyone from your family and your village comes, at a minimum. If you're a merchant or a noble you might even bring guests from off-world, and you're expected to have a feast and a celebration. If I do have a wedding here, I'll be counting on your help, as my brother and my man of honor, so you should prepare yourself.

[ his smile is squeezed. is he already handsome, he thinks? he'd like to look his best for who he thinks may be his bride one day. but his sheepish, hidden grin is fleeting in favor of incoming entertainment: one more thing is added to the array of things falco already busies himself with; he stops in his name-writing on small loose sheets to shuffle about for a notebook with at least its back pages still clean of writing.

he gets to work on jotting down the details perle speaks to him of a caladan wedding. it's imperative information related to romance. he had to have this too. he had to know more about it and wonders— did he grab anything about ceremonies? he had to— ]

What does a man of honor do?

[ The restraint Paul is showing in not bringing up a certain special someone he knows means a great deal to Falco is something he thinks he ought to be lauded for, if that wouldn't give the whole thing away. ]

He attends to the groom. He looks after the well-being of the rest of the entourage and arranges for the particulars that the officiator and the planners might not have accounted for on the days leading up to the wedding, and he also is responsible for guarding the groom on the day of the wedding itself, in case anyone attempts to disrupt the ceremony. He also supports the groom if he's unsettled, and of course, he organizes the groom's going away party. I will expect sour candy as well.

[ this felt like something straight out a noble’s ceremony. something so grand it was beyond his reach, but for once— it’s right there. even years away from it, falco latches on and doesn’t ever want to let go. ]

A whole lot of it! Being the man of honor is what it says! I want to do all of those things and I’ll do a good job. The best job. I’ll guard you and your union with my life! I’ve served at parties! I know what to do!

Please also be my man of honor!

There's no one I trust to be more dedicated to the defense of love than you.

[ Paul means that. This is no idly offered symbolic gesture. There are other roles that other people will be drafted into, in time, but Falco is diligent and reliable enough even at his age that Paul knows he could count on him. In a few years, when he's a man himself, he'll be even more ready. ]

It would be a privilege to accept that role for you in turn. I do so gladly. Whichever of us goes first will have to give the other one advice. Are you up for that as well?

Aaaaaaaa dedicated to the defense of love, he said that? Thank you!!

[ falco, the love defender . . . perle didn't have to put in the noise he made, but she did anyway, terrorizing her poor sap. imagine him giving advice to the big brother— what a thought! even though falco childishly has his sights on the first crush of his life dimensions from here and that is that. he has much growing to do, and plenty of people to meet. who knew, as he grew here— ]

Of course I would be! You already have so much insight!

[ Paul is glad Falco can't hear him laughing; he'd hate to give him the wrong impression. ]

I don't have insight, not really. I had good teachers, and I think about it. I think it's important to treat love seriously, that's all. If you're going to do anything, you should think about it, and try to know what you're doing.

There're people who don't know what they're doing?

[ he's always taken this seriously— but someone having no idea how to navigate almost comes off as . . . strange! maybe he's thinking too literally. ]

[ Falco's faith in others is touching, if a little concerning. Surely, he's seen some of the people around here? ]

Not everyone knows how to be with another person, or other people, in a way that makes them all happy. I think it's good of you to be thinking about it already, before you start courting.

[ with rosy lenses, it's always been hard to see . . . but, if anything, this does spark something. it's a click. an innocent little click that makes him go through his books and neglect an answer for some time. start courting. start courting—

he may have just realized there may be a good chance he was always one of those people. ]

Paul,
I think I made a huge mistake.

[ Oh no. ]

What kind of mistake do you think you've made?

I've never courted someone! And the first person I ever liked I just told her I wanted us to get married! Without courting! I never got her flowers or gave her a gift, or asked to dance! I've never even held hands before! No one does that!

No wonder she never said anything about it! I don't know what I'm doing!

Deep breaths, Falco. There are much worse things you could have done.

[ It's still...not the best, but Falco doesn't need kicking while he's down. ]

At least she knows that you're interested in her and what your ultimate intentions for a courtship would be. That way, she knows right from the beginning that you're not toying with her affections. It was decisive. Girls like that.

[ Or so he's been told. ]

[ his face is still hot and the chilly draping of a damp towel all over him with those words was palpable. he breathes in and looks at nowhere in particular. maybe at one of the paintings he's swiped, already in the attic, of a couple sitting by a riverside, one of them fishing while the other watched. the colors were warm. it makes him feel warm.

it makes him feel a pang of inevitable loneliness. ]

What would you say would be the best thing to say first to show that
If or when
I like someone

[ he's saddened to think about it, but he's been far from his heart's first "love" bordering almost three years, now. he wants to adore that girl for the rest of his life, and perhaps he will.

just, maybe, differently from what it first started as, the more he grew. ]

[ Falco would be better off asking any other point on Paul's triangle this question. Midoriya, gentle and sweet - Kaworu, flirtatious and assertive - either of them would do better.

But that's it, isn't it? Everything he's learned about the kind of courtship Falco is interested in, he did learn from them. So Paul remembers the things they've said to him with a warmth he hopes he can transmit to the younger, fretful boy. ]

To let them know that you like them? Tell themselves something about themselves that you've noticed and admire. Not about their appearance, but about who they are. Their kindness, or their courage, or their diligence, anything like that. Then tell them how that makes you feel. That you're happy to be in their company, and that you like spending time around them, and you hope to see more of them in the future.

[ kaworu is bringing havoc into falco's future and we all know it. this is definitely soft enough. he's taking mental notes. he doesn't seem . . . too far off? well, now that he's self-analyzing—

maybe the place didn't help, either. not even with his other flustered attempts that would go right over her head. he prays he could be direct and to the point, whenever that might be. no dying involved. like first, not love. get to know them, not straight-up marry. ]

I hope I'll make you proud.

I'm always proud of you.

[ A simple fact. There are more complicated elements to the whole thing, as he's more than aware (see again: Kaworu), but Paul has nothing but faith in Falco's judgment when it comes to matters of the heart.

(This proves, as much as anything, that Paul still has a lot to learn.) ]

And whenever you meet a person you like, I'll try not to be too embarrassing.

[ —okay, that eases him up. he ends up reading it with a growing smile. ]

How embarrassing could you be?

Deer Country Contact

ic contact

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)