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[If L knew those small and innate things he was leaving on Paul by Bonding with him, he might have declined, might have thought it not worthwhile. His is the stalk that requires support, the bones that beg through others for nutrients and structure.

Help me; I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I can't help you; let me help you.

He laughs, a wavering sound, when Paul says that it's truly something Kaworu said. As a detective, he loves to be right, and it feeds him.

He sobers at something more uncomfortably relevant.]

I forgive you, too.

[For the sand, for the violence, for the allegiance. There's more in his shallow breath than there has been in months. He clings a little more, for a bare moment, before seeming to straighten, as though moving on, or at least acknowledging what's truly important.]

We do share a part. I've struggled to define what it is, and I'm still not sure, but... you're talking about a question that needs answering. We both can't ignore that; we both must answer it, mustn't we?

[He wants so badly for it to be true, so he can not be alone.]

It's not an easy way to be. I'd understand if you couldn't be like that.

[ Lazarus forgives him, just like that. Something brittle seems to break off in Paul's throat, a jagged accretion of tension he has to swallow quickly, the salt wind pricking at his eyes. It's his turn to cling back, in the sorry pair they make, wobbling in drunkenness deeper than liquor could ever drown them. ]

Even if I -

[ Even if. That's been what has haunted him, hasn't it? Not if only, shaped by yearning for the unrealized possibilities of the past, but even if, the resignation to the inevitability of what had happened. What had to happen, by their natures.

Even if he'd known to ask Lazarus to stop, he wouldn't have, because he couldn't deny him what he needed so badly. Even if he'd known what would come of stepping on that ship, he would have done it, so that he could intervene. The if onlys still exist - if only he had raised his hand against God sooner on the sead, if only he had known to hold the threat of the flame against his hallowed head before he had the chance to scourge Lazarus to ash - but the truth of them both would remain the same. ]

You told me that the world needs people with conviction. [ A scratching, hesitant edge to his voice. ] Even if I could be different - I want to be that kind of person. Even if it's hard.

[ His fingers are curled in Lazarus' sleeve. His own wanting still can't touch the edges of Lazarus' own, but oh, how he wants. ]

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You know that? I wouldn't- I wouldn't still be me, if you hadn't still thought I could be. You brought me back, Lazarus. You need to know that.

[He waits, listening attentively, for the condition. It doesn't come; the words seem to die in Paul's throat, and he nods all the same, understanding all the same. Sometimes, the challenge of words isn't worth it and the silence just speaks louder.]

It's more than believing in something. It's knowing something to be true, even if everyone around you is saying it can't possibly be. It's being stronger than the notion that you might just be crazy, a... notion that might be loud and relentless and repeated until it sounds true.

[And he knows, as he speaks, that he might not be stronger, that there are days he didn't, that his own doubt might have created just enough of a falter for Light to pull ahead of an impending stalemate and seal his fate. At the same time, even a humble stepping stone has value if it can elevate someone who might not fail in their conviction.]

You brought yourself back, and you must accept that it's the case, but... if I helped in any way, I can't think of a better possible use for my time. You should know that, as well.

[ When Lazarus speaks of it being more than believing in something, but the knowledge of its truth, and the unending insistence on seeing that truth through, Paul feels clarity like a play of light across the surface waters of his mind that aligns to reveal the depths of past memories.

All the times that Lazarus insisted on his suspicion of the Emperor, in the face of what must have felt like the entire world casting doubt on his perception of reality. What it would feel like to be proved so wholly right, in such a terrible way. The hungry gap left in the wake of a goal achieved after so much sacrifice, then one more triumph - and then the flame, and the oblivion, and the return.

No wonder Lazarus is out here like this.

But then: Lazarus has insisted on Paul's worthwhileness as intently as he insisted on the Emperor's lack. He had from nearly the start, before he ever even came to know the Emperor as a danger, and Paul feels another hot, jumbled surge of feeling on this chill night. ]

If I say I steered the ship, will you accept you were the lighthouse?

[ Paul said he wouldn't let Lazarus drown, but it was the other way around, all this time. ]

And speaking of steering...we should get away from these rocks.

[ Get him somewhere warm, put a cup of steaming, sugary drink in his hands. The little human gestures, when there's nothing else, in the closed sanctuary of a safe house. ]

Lighthouses belong on rocks, though, don't they?

[There's a lump in his throat; he's always liked lighthouses. The dry-humored joke is an attempt to offset the fact that it means a great deal to him to be recognized as guide and warning alike.

Quietly and privately is fine. He actually prefers it to widespread recognition and accolades. This feels deeper, more honest and true.]

That being said, I'd like nothing better... who knew it could get this cold this time of year, even by the sea?

We only have to take the metaphor so far.

[ Paul half-laughs, nudging against Lazarus' side in the broken tension. It's a better joke than he expected; or maybe it's that he didn't expect one at all, in the wake of all of this.

He disentangles himself carefully from Lazarus' side, coming up on feet a hair less steady than he likes them to be, and smiles wanly down at his teacher. The hand he offers him is warm and open, unlit by flame or agony, bloodless and clean. ]

Come on, old man. Let's get out of here.

What matters is the truth, and that goes as far as it does. Invariably. Perpetually.

[He glances up blearily, vision still double, reaching out with measured care to take Paul's hand. It only takes him two and a half tries.]

Call me "old man," more. I could get used to it.

[I'll be here a long time, he might as well have said, and it's alright for you to get used to it, too.]

You had better.

[ Because I'll keep saying it, he might as well say back in turn. He doesn't keep holding Lazarus' hand after he's drawn him to his feet, nor does he loop his arm around Paul's shoulders, but he lingers close as his Omen emerges from the surf and makes a graceful, impossible leap to his front pocket.

Paul readjusts the blanket draped around Lazarus, which is suspiciously like an excuse to be close, and nods up the beach. ]

The truth is - I'm counting on you, all right? So -

[ So come with him up the beach when he starts walking. So stay around, or come back if you go. So here they are, still side by side, and that's something, even if it's not everything. ]

[L recognizes the call to rise to something. However capable he feels, he's heartened by Paul's confidence in him, his need for him to deliver, giving a slightly sloppy, slightly sleepy nod in response.

He accompanies, staying close, never straying ahead enough to lead or falling back enough to follow. Side-by-side, in fact, they will remain.]

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