terriblepurpose | Deer Country Contact

[ He can nearly hear Paul's cadence: a declaration here, a soft, apprehensive susurration there, muted so as not to cause concern... ]

I've fought him before, that's all, and with others. I wasn't leading anything. I do need you both, and the heroes who already know about Shigaraki. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough that you don't ever have to worry.

Acting like he doesn't know of me, you, and Shigaraki might save Kaworu-kun if he ever runs into him. It doesn't just need to be a good act, it needs to be perfect. No half measures. I'm not playing around with your guys' safety.

[ From anyone else, these last words might be routine. Coming from Midoriya, they have a rare cold focus, an iron reckoning that will surface more readily now in the wake of his second sojourn home.

He pauses typing as another message comes in. It seems a little jumbled and out of order. That's understandable. Midoriya might find himself typing words very similar to Paul's one day. He very nearly does right now. ~~There's something I have to tell you too~~ ]

It's not everything. I haven't even mentioned Shigaraki shooting out tendrils like spears. But it should be enough to keep an eye out for now. Nothing's actually changed, just our information. He hasn't attacked me since he arrived, and we don't want to start anything.

It'll be OK. You can tell me when you're ready. But do it soon. It's related to this right?

Edited 2022-06-12 05:31 (UTC)

If it needs to be perfect, we'll make it perfect. If he doesn't know, he's vulnerable in another way. He won't be able to recognize the threat. If Shigaraki finds out about him and Kaworu doesn't know what to watch for, isn't that only a different kind of risk?

[Midoriya's unequivocal firmness about their safety is part of what galvanizes Paul to make that point, beyond even the cool practicality trained into him since infancy. Paul believes that Midoriya can bear the reality of things, no matter how grim they are to contemplate.]

What I have to tell you isn't related to this. [Except: All this kind of makes him seem like a monster, doesn't it? But he's a person, and a pale hope in the closed curve of his heart.] That's why it can wait. And don't ever apologize to me for not being strong enough for anything. You're one of the strongest people I've ever known. That's not what I worry about.

[It's exactly what he worries about, in the counter-direction. A strong person will always think they can bear more, convince themselves to exceed their limit.]

I know it's a risk either way.
Maybe I mentioned telling Kaworu-kun because... it's time.

[ As soon as he types that, another weight (among many) is lifted off his shoulders. ]

I guess I was just looking for your advice on it. That kind of stuff, subterfuge and intelligence... Back home, we had a police task force working with us, and there are heroes who specialize in that too.
I'm, well, not one of those. I tried tracking down Shigaraki back home, but it didn't work. I'll get stronger.

[ ("Deep down, he doesn't take himself into account, y'know? He's always been like that. And now that he can do so much more...") ]

This might sound weird after everything I've said, but I don't want to kill Shigaraki. A lot of heroes in my world would disagree with me. But my power is for saving people. I believe that.

You're likely right. I'll make sure he and I practice. It's not possible to excel at everything. That's why we specialize. Subterfuge and intelligence are things I'm good at, and that means you don't have to be. You can get better at it over time, if you want to, but don't divide your attention now.

[Telling Midoriya not to try his best at anything related to his passion is a fool's errand, something that provokes fondness and frustration by turns, but he hopes he can at least alleviate some of the pressure.]

I know how you feel about killing. As I said: I'll follow you here, as much as I can. But if it's a choice between that or letting him hurt anyone, you know what I'm choosing.

I've learned lately that I need to rely on people more. It's something I forget.

[ He expressed his feelings before they went to rescue Illarion. Now there's another factor to think about, and a lot in the silence before he sends another message like a confession. ]

I'm trying to save him.

Edited 2022-06-16 17:07 (UTC)

[The message comes after long minutes, long enough that it might seem plausible that Paul has been pulled away, somehow distracted, or perhaps set his Omni aside to collect his thoughts.

He hadn't. He'd stayed curled up on the top bunk, on his side, face towards the wall with his Omni held loosely in one hand as he considered the single word he'd written almost at once.]

Why?

[ He had to say why he doesn't want to kill Shigaraki. He wants Paul to understand it’s not just his own limits he’s thinking about. Now he is asked the why behind the why. He’s not sure he can adequately explain, because there are some things he can't say. ]

He looked like he needed saving.

[ It wouldn't be surprising to Midoriya if people questioned and argued with him. Paul's response wasn't unexpected, and there are any number of reasons for the delay. Its brevity, without any indication of tone, is what makes him apprehensive. But Midoriya is not looking to placate anyone. ]

Shigaraki has hurt people I care about. You know how I feel about that. Anyone would be justified in being angry at him.

But if I understood how he turned out this way, maybe things would have been different. Or maybe not, maybe I'd still have to kill him.

This power I inherited, I've seen it give people hope. I believe its purpose is to save people, not kill them.

[Midoriya is a good person. Paul has known this since they met, accepted it from the beginning. He is a good person, a better one than Paul is, better than Paul could be.

He hasn't seen Midoriya in his silver-dreams of the yet since he asked Paul not to look. He doesn't see him in the fire-dreams, either, with their echoes of the already-past. He only sees a door close; he is always on the wrong side.

The world is not kind to the good.]

Thank you for explaining, Midoriya-kun. If that's what you want, I want you to have it. Let's try to save even him, then.

Thank you Paul-kun.

[ Because he can't tell with text, he asks, ]

This is a lot. Are you angry? You can be. It's all right. I'm listening. I always will.

No, I'm not angry at you. I promise you I'm not.

[With most people, that assurance might read as overcompensation, but Midoriya knows how seriously Paul takes his promises.]

You could be right. That's the hook. That you could be right, and I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time, and if we follow my instinct, there's never any trying your way. There's unquantifiable risk in either choice, so that's a non-factor. Pragmatically, it's the correct first choice of action. And as I said. I trust you.

[ He listens to Paul have to justify sparing someone's life to himself, and being honest enough to do it in front of him.

Well. He's showing more mercy than some Pro Heroes. ]

Thank you Paul-kun. I won't let you down.

[ His promise. When a hero says they'll do something, they'll do it. ]

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