terriblepurpose | Deer Country Contact

Paul-kun. I guess it had to happen eventually, but I messed up. I'm sorry.

[ Bad start. Use your words, Izuku Midoriya. ]

You can lie really well so I can tell you and you can hide the fact that you know this and be safe.

[ Worse start... ]

Do you remember when I told you someone could come after people I care about? Hypothetically?

The tournament. Someone was watching. It wouldn't matter so much, except well
we
you know
got carried away.

This person could have seen that.

[ An indiscretion in more than one way... ]

It wasn't your mistake.

[Paul had known better. He'd been careless, myopic.]

I initiated, I'm the one at fault. I'm sorry.

[Gritty shame threatens his focus, but he pushes it aside. He can regret later.]

If they did see it, it's going to be all right. I know how to handle things like this. We'll come up with a strategy. It might not even be such a bad thing. What do I need to know?

Don't be sorry for something good.

OK yeah you were stupid, but not like that.
Just like, in general. You know, my stupid.
My stupid who burned rice and tried to use only karate.

[ My. He's not used to calling people his like others so casually do, staking their claim. Even the word friend is full to him, fecund, sacred, one he hesitates to use until the other person does first. He's tried various words to refer to Paul and Kaworu, and other people have called them things too. Boyfriend is adequate, normal even. It sits strangely on Midoriya's tongue. None of them quite capture what they mean to him both individually and together.

It's from that wellspring of affection that Midoriya tries to reassure Paul with a stupid joke that braves my, because he's not there in person to take his hand in his (though he can be, he can move so fast now). ]

Give me a minute to type something up.

[ Not such a bad thing, well, they'll see. ]

Shigaraki Tomura. Male. Twenties, I think. About your height, but more muscular now. White wavy hair. Red eyes. Kind of pale, sickly coloring. Some small facial scars. Very dry skin. He's missing his thumb and the first two fingers of his left hand.

People are born with one Quirk. Sometimes it can look like two things, like mine or Todoroki-kun's, but it's still just the one Quirk.
Shigaraki has a lot of Quirks. I don't know how many, but I'll list some.

The one he's most used to using destroys anything that he touches with his hands. [ ("...is here... Destroys anything that...") ] He can take out an entire hill's worth of buildings in moments. If debris touches something or someone, that gets disintegrated too.
Search. It sees up to 100 people like radar and their individual weaknesses, which can be used to identify people after the information is stored. Shigaraki has the ability to locate me across Trench.
Air blasts. He can fire those from his palms.
Fast regeneration. Super strength. These are Quirks that make him really durable in a fight.

[ He hesitates to keep the truth from Paul when he could very well be a target right now, but he doesn't mention one particular Quirk. He needs Paul to concentrate on protecting himself. ]

All this kind of makes him seem like a monster, doesn't it? But he's a person. He's a human like me, and the possession of multiple Quirks hasn't affected his intelligence or anything either. He destroys things he doesn't like, takes what he wants, and... he likes video games. Keeps going on about clearing levels and savage content.

[My stupid catches Paul just below his heart, a tumult of feeling that leaves a bittersweet residue in the context that it's written in. Of course Midoriya forgives him, even while holding himself to account for Paul's error. You forgive the people that are yours, no matter what they do.

The rest of the answer only makes it worse. Paul knows protectiveness well, the crushing bands of fear for someone else collapsing the chest beneath them, and the enemy Midoriya describes is one that sparks that feeling in him too. This is what Midoriya has been trying to face alone, without him, and Paul can't escape the whisper that tells him Midoriya was right about that choice. What can someone like Paul do against a man like that? What can he possibly be, except a vulnerability?

(Something cold and terrible stirs inside of him, past anger, past fear. Something opens a dark and empty eye of teeth. What can he be? Anything he needs to.)]

If I see him, I'll maintain distance. It sounds like he's most dangerous when he's close. I'll stay near the house and the others. If he doesn't know about Teacher and the rest, then he might see that as a viable place to strike, and they won't allow that. If he does know, he'll either be smart enough to stay away or arrogant enough to try for it anyway. Either way, there's nowhere I'm safer. I'm going to suggest something, and I know you're not going to like it, but I'm asking you to take it into consideration. People have been trying to assassinate me since before I was born, and I'm still here. If this Shigaraki likes to play games, why not put me on the board? There are ways to use me as bait or distraction that don't put me in real danger, but could keep attention off of anyone else.

[Off Kaworu, off Midoriya, off Ochako, off the rest of Midoriya's friends from home and from Trench.]

And he doesn't know that I could see him coming. I've been getting better at that. Your enemy is my enemy. I want to help you however I can. Don't say no. Think about it. You're mine, too. Don't forget that.

[ My son, my student, my successor, my friend. Now Midoriya is something else too, something gathered from a soft touch before dawn, a red sting like a cut lip or a sly look, and a vulnerability that aches like a bruise. Never before in his life has he belonged to someone like that, let alone two, and he has never called someone his. Don't forget that makes him think of a hall outside a library door.

The tears welling in his eyes (and the amount of information he had to impart) are why he chose to do this over text. It takes him a few minutes to answer. Even then, it's a kneejerk response at first that's almost a no. ]

I'm better bait. I've done it before. He'll definitely go for me.

[ In the past, Paul seemed reluctant to talk about his visions, as applied to life-saving situations. Midoriya knows why. It highlights the urgency of all this. ]

I'm sorry. I don't actually have a plan other than leading him away from the city in an emergency. We may really need your sight. But remember your promise not to use it on me.

I just slept in a cocoon and was at home for a bit. I learned more about Shigaraki and what he can do. So I had to tell you he saw the tournament. I'm sorry I didn't say anything before.

I don't know if I should tell Kaworu-kun. I only told you because you're good at lying. You could probably fool a polygraph, so you could probably fool Shigaraki.

[ Midoriya had surmised that Paul was raised to take precautions against assassination, but to have it laid out in words, stated plainly, someone(s) trying to kill Paul... ]

You know how to fight and you sleep with knives around your bed. I guessed. I'm sorry. I know what it's like to be hunted. It kept me from everyone I care about, like how I was in the forest when you found me.

I have no right to ask your housemates to get involved in a fight. Shigaraki is my problem.
Our problem, I mean. Heroes are who he has a grudge against, and we know what he's capable of. And Kacchan would murder me if I tried to face Shigaraki on my own.

Edited 2022-06-10 10:16 (UTC)

[The only almost no is something Paul appreciates even more keenly after the sharp kick of refusal behind his ribs after Midoriya (Izuku) calls himself better bait. He's right, logically. There's no argument Paul can credibly make against it, except that he hates the idea, hates the images it brings to mind all too clearly.

Finding his equilibrium is a near thing. He has to get up and walk, tracing mindless paths along the floor.]

Midoriya-kun, I trust you. I know you wouldn't keep anything from me, or anyone else, that you didn't have a good reason to. You're the leader in this fight. If there's a place where you need me, you know what I can do, and what I'm willing to do, which is anything that you want me to. If that means I stay out of the way and don't interfere, then I won't tell you that I like it, but I'll do it. And I don't want you to be sorry for me. I want you to know that you don't have to wonder if anything will happen to me because of him, because it won't.

[It's not the first time Midoriya has reacted to a fact of Paul's life like a tragedy. It itches at the top of his spine, an uncomfortable pressure, but he forces it aside. There's already too much he has to look after first.]

I think you should tell Kaworu. I can help him, if he needs it, but he's a better liar than people think. He just usually doesn't see the point. It'd hurt him, if we knew and didn't tell him, and it hurts you to keep it from him. Even if there was nothing else besides that, he should know.

[The next message comes after minutes of hesitation, then flung together in a rush, before he can lose his nerve.]

There's something I have to tell you. Not yet, not with all of this, but I don't want it to be a secret from you forever. Kaworu knows, from a memory. So you should know too. I don't want to hurt you, either. I don't want you to be hurt.

[ He can nearly hear Paul's cadence: a declaration here, a soft, apprehensive susurration there, muted so as not to cause concern... ]

I've fought him before, that's all, and with others. I wasn't leading anything. I do need you both, and the heroes who already know about Shigaraki. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough that you don't ever have to worry.

Acting like he doesn't know of me, you, and Shigaraki might save Kaworu-kun if he ever runs into him. It doesn't just need to be a good act, it needs to be perfect. No half measures. I'm not playing around with your guys' safety.

[ From anyone else, these last words might be routine. Coming from Midoriya, they have a rare cold focus, an iron reckoning that will surface more readily now in the wake of his second sojourn home.

He pauses typing as another message comes in. It seems a little jumbled and out of order. That's understandable. Midoriya might find himself typing words very similar to Paul's one day. He very nearly does right now. ~~There's something I have to tell you too~~ ]

It's not everything. I haven't even mentioned Shigaraki shooting out tendrils like spears. But it should be enough to keep an eye out for now. Nothing's actually changed, just our information. He hasn't attacked me since he arrived, and we don't want to start anything.

It'll be OK. You can tell me when you're ready. But do it soon. It's related to this right?

Edited 2022-06-12 05:31 (UTC)

If it needs to be perfect, we'll make it perfect. If he doesn't know, he's vulnerable in another way. He won't be able to recognize the threat. If Shigaraki finds out about him and Kaworu doesn't know what to watch for, isn't that only a different kind of risk?

[Midoriya's unequivocal firmness about their safety is part of what galvanizes Paul to make that point, beyond even the cool practicality trained into him since infancy. Paul believes that Midoriya can bear the reality of things, no matter how grim they are to contemplate.]

What I have to tell you isn't related to this. [Except: All this kind of makes him seem like a monster, doesn't it? But he's a person, and a pale hope in the closed curve of his heart.] That's why it can wait. And don't ever apologize to me for not being strong enough for anything. You're one of the strongest people I've ever known. That's not what I worry about.

[It's exactly what he worries about, in the counter-direction. A strong person will always think they can bear more, convince themselves to exceed their limit.]

I know it's a risk either way.
Maybe I mentioned telling Kaworu-kun because... it's time.

[ As soon as he types that, another weight (among many) is lifted off his shoulders. ]

I guess I was just looking for your advice on it. That kind of stuff, subterfuge and intelligence... Back home, we had a police task force working with us, and there are heroes who specialize in that too.
I'm, well, not one of those. I tried tracking down Shigaraki back home, but it didn't work. I'll get stronger.

[ ("Deep down, he doesn't take himself into account, y'know? He's always been like that. And now that he can do so much more...") ]

This might sound weird after everything I've said, but I don't want to kill Shigaraki. A lot of heroes in my world would disagree with me. But my power is for saving people. I believe that.

You're likely right. I'll make sure he and I practice. It's not possible to excel at everything. That's why we specialize. Subterfuge and intelligence are things I'm good at, and that means you don't have to be. You can get better at it over time, if you want to, but don't divide your attention now.

[Telling Midoriya not to try his best at anything related to his passion is a fool's errand, something that provokes fondness and frustration by turns, but he hopes he can at least alleviate some of the pressure.]

I know how you feel about killing. As I said: I'll follow you here, as much as I can. But if it's a choice between that or letting him hurt anyone, you know what I'm choosing.

I've learned lately that I need to rely on people more. It's something I forget.

[ He expressed his feelings before they went to rescue Illarion. Now there's another factor to think about, and a lot in the silence before he sends another message like a confession. ]

I'm trying to save him.

Edited 2022-06-16 17:07 (UTC)

[The message comes after long minutes, long enough that it might seem plausible that Paul has been pulled away, somehow distracted, or perhaps set his Omni aside to collect his thoughts.

He hadn't. He'd stayed curled up on the top bunk, on his side, face towards the wall with his Omni held loosely in one hand as he considered the single word he'd written almost at once.]

Why?

[ He had to say why he doesn't want to kill Shigaraki. He wants Paul to understand it’s not just his own limits he’s thinking about. Now he is asked the why behind the why. He’s not sure he can adequately explain, because there are some things he can't say. ]

He looked like he needed saving.

[ It wouldn't be surprising to Midoriya if people questioned and argued with him. Paul's response wasn't unexpected, and there are any number of reasons for the delay. Its brevity, without any indication of tone, is what makes him apprehensive. But Midoriya is not looking to placate anyone. ]

Shigaraki has hurt people I care about. You know how I feel about that. Anyone would be justified in being angry at him.

But if I understood how he turned out this way, maybe things would have been different. Or maybe not, maybe I'd still have to kill him.

This power I inherited, I've seen it give people hope. I believe its purpose is to save people, not kill them.

[Midoriya is a good person. Paul has known this since they met, accepted it from the beginning. He is a good person, a better one than Paul is, better than Paul could be.

He hasn't seen Midoriya in his silver-dreams of the yet since he asked Paul not to look. He doesn't see him in the fire-dreams, either, with their echoes of the already-past. He only sees a door close; he is always on the wrong side.

The world is not kind to the good.]

Thank you for explaining, Midoriya-kun. If that's what you want, I want you to have it. Let's try to save even him, then.

Thank you Paul-kun.

[ Because he can't tell with text, he asks, ]

This is a lot. Are you angry? You can be. It's all right. I'm listening. I always will.

No, I'm not angry at you. I promise you I'm not.

[With most people, that assurance might read as overcompensation, but Midoriya knows how seriously Paul takes his promises.]

You could be right. That's the hook. That you could be right, and I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time, and if we follow my instinct, there's never any trying your way. There's unquantifiable risk in either choice, so that's a non-factor. Pragmatically, it's the correct first choice of action. And as I said. I trust you.

[ He listens to Paul have to justify sparing someone's life to himself, and being honest enough to do it in front of him.

Well. He's showing more mercy than some Pro Heroes. ]

Thank you Paul-kun. I won't let you down.

[ His promise. When a hero says they'll do something, they'll do it. ]

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