In a way. It was a Trench incident that made it somewhat necessary he inform me of what it meant. You know how they are.
I am sharing this with him, so you are aware. And I am not surprised, the entire thing is horrifying. The fact you were brought there and not told what the price would be?
[ It's a while before Gideon responds. Long enough that Viktor would be excused for thinking she never intended to respond at all.
Gideon considers it, but her silence speaks volumes, too. ]
no she stopped the process
[ There is another way - Gideon is living proof of that - but it's not something Harrow knows, and she promised her father she'd try. So here she is, trying. ]
[he does wonder for a while if maybe he crossed a line- well, he'd apologize if need be, the picture of don't ask permission, as forgiveness with this sort of shit.
and he does like gideon, so he'd feel kind of bad about, you know, making her think about horrific things and what not. but gideon answers and hm.]
I am not sure I understand. If she stopped it would she not be a lyctor then?
listen all you need to know is that im harrows cavalier which means if i think a question is gonna put her in danger or is just full of bullshit then im not gonna answer
why do you care
[ justice or concern don't cross Gideon's mind. Viktor is a nice enough guy, and he's close to Palamedes, but Gideon still doesn't know him that well. Why would he care about this, especially on Harrow's behalf? ]
And in truth? I suppose there is no harm in saying it, he knows how I feel. I find your emperor's practices repulsive, how Canaan House happened, how cavaliers are treated as expendable, the propaganda from birth and obligatory devotion.
It is wrong, that is why I care. In this case I have learned what I wish. It is good to know Harrow understood as much.
[ah, this is probably where he should stop, but on he goes.]
I do not doubt your devotion is real, what I doubt is how much choice you truly had in it and how safe it would have been for you to reject it.
But I am an outsider, so my word is largely that of a very diminished perspective, that I will admit. I do not think you are stupid, by the way. We are all the products of our culture and upbringing one way or another.
you really want to know? fine i died becoming a cavalier and i would have died otherwise but its more than being some stupid furnace i swore to protect her no matter what isnt there anything youd protect no matter what
no subject
But on the original topic, do you mean to say you were part of her lyctorhood? Were you separated when you came here?
private
did pal tell you
its supposed to be some big huge secret
i had to last through so many murders to even figure it out
fuckin sucked i tell you what
private
I am sharing this with him, so you are aware. And I am not surprised, the entire thing is horrifying. The fact you were brought there and not told what the price would be?
[stopping from getting On That Again, whoops]
permaprivate; cw: indentured servitude
i mean we definitely suspected death was an option
but before you get any bright ideas [ or start hating the wrong person ] harrow didnt want it
once she knew
just so were clear
permaprivate also
That is why I was and am surprised she calls herself a lyctor. She found another way that did not truly consume you?
no subject
Gideon considers it, but her silence speaks volumes, too. ]
no
she stopped the process
[ There is another way - Gideon is living proof of that - but it's not something Harrow knows, and she promised her father she'd try. So here she is, trying. ]
no subject
and he does like gideon, so he'd feel kind of bad about, you know, making her think about horrific things and what not. but gideon answers and hm.]
I am not sure I understand. If she stopped it would she not be a lyctor then?
no subject
which means if i think a question is gonna put her in danger or is just full of bullshit then im not gonna answer
why do you care
[ justice or concern don't cross Gideon's mind. Viktor is a nice enough guy, and he's close to Palamedes, but Gideon still doesn't know him that well. Why would he care about this, especially on Harrow's behalf? ]
no subject
And in truth? I suppose there is no harm in saying it, he knows how I feel. I find your emperor's practices repulsive, how Canaan House happened, how cavaliers are treated as expendable, the propaganda from birth and obligatory devotion.
It is wrong, that is why I care. In this case I have learned what I wish. It is good to know Harrow understood as much.
no subject
But that wouldn't make Viktor understand, and would just open up a series of even worse questions.
There's just one point she wants to make sure he gets: ]
my devotion was never obligatory
i wasnt tricked
news flash im not as stupid as i look
no subject
I do not doubt your devotion is real, what I doubt is how much choice you truly had in it and how safe it would have been for you to reject it.
But I am an outsider, so my word is largely that of a very diminished perspective, that I will admit. I do not think you are stupid, by the way. We are all the products of our culture and upbringing one way or another.
no subject
you really want to know?
fine
i died becoming a cavalier and i would have died otherwise
but its more than being some stupid furnace
i swore to protect her no matter what
isnt there anything youd protect no matter what
[ or anyone? but that's a bit personal. ]
no subject
I suppose I should simply be upfront. I find your 'Emperor's' methods and ideas disdainful, more so the glorifying of this process.
Hm, perhaps calling it furnaces is unkind, ultimately. My apologies there.